also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
