Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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