Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
