awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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