Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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