the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
