No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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