My hand turned me down
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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