the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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