She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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