I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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