I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
