what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
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We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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