so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
