he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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