question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
