i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
