i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
