I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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