You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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