He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
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I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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