I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
