you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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