Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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