You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
