This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I die, sorry about rent.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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