She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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