you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
