Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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