i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Found your dick twin last night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
