Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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