I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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