i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
