Rock
Scissors
Fuck
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
