my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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