at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
