THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
