I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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