can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
