Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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