i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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