you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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