If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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