Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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