is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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