I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
