I am in a vortex of obligation.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want her autograph on my taint
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
