i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
