I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
