I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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