I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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