Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We smell like vodka and hangover
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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