Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
