I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
