nut hugger
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
