Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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