What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
