It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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