The best revenge is premature balding
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
