they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
