I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
