please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
