I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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