Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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