I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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