proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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