You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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