2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
