My room smells like vodka and shame
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
