I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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