No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
