What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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